Fractured Definitions

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Sometimes only part of a word suggests an erroneous and often comical definition quite unrelated to the word’s historical roots, and these words often give rise to daffynitions.  When used in a sentence such words produce fractured definitions.  Here are a few such words in a context that betrays their actual meaning.

There definitely is nothing sublime  about lemons.

Venus de Milo has no arms, and that is an artifact.

colonist

Imitating the old masters, Mason Jarz considered his paintings artificial.

Rather than tutoring, local school districts choose classic  instruction.

We are led to believe that the early colonists  were a gutsy people.

Charlie didn’t discuss  his language until he got a mouth full of soap.

It is unfortunate America has not decimated  its weights and measures.

Blue skies, no worries, and a warm puppy makes one very contentious.

Moe Pedd was so sure of himself that he usually gave confidential  speeches.

The annual meeting of the Association of Retired Nuns was quite conventional.

When Carrie Meholm looked at the Rorschach picture, she had no inkling  of what it was.

Having lost 110 pounds Cass Tinetts was certainly an example  person.

Loud rock concerts will bring harmony  to the ears of young adults

Juan Toothree thought a manicurist  could solve his impotence.

dumbo

Sarah Moeny is ecstatic whenever she partakes  in golf.

At the nunnery, habits are convent ional, pray tell.

It was a thing of fairy tales how Dumbo matured so early.

As a mattress tester, Cele Scinn was embedded  in her work.

After only two martinis, Tom Foolery’s morals became laxative.

Fortunately the ship was listless;  unfortunately so were the sailors.

Mr. Ed grew tired of the sound of nightmares  in the neighboring stable

Without a mirror, Cory Gated found it difficult to comb his hair partly  down the middle.

Instead of being an active person, Max Emize chose to be a restive  one.

By living in the city sewers, Emma Nent qualified as a suburban  resident.

Chuck Hoell bragged that he was a spokesman  at the bicycle factory.

When the knife broke, Hy Tailitt realized he had a pretender  steak.

The salesman was shocked to find the woman at the door shiftless.

As press secretary, Ella Fant turned out to be a fine spinster.

candle

Burning the candle at both ends is a wicked  thing to do.

Critics say the Bean Town Choir sings a little flatulent.

Edgar Allen's “Raven” is a good example of poetry.

Backing into a good job requires untoward  behavior.

Wearing mink gave Mona Longtyme a furious  feeling.

Kim Burly got subtraction  with her bald tires in the snow.

Hiring all non-permanent employees is a major temptation.

The jury was amused by the prosecutor’s witness  and charm.